On Being Treated Like Sh*t (and how to move on)

Yesterday. I was totally "Vivian-ed."

Not how we arrived looking

My boyfriend and I are looking for a new apartment and had recently heard from our friends that one was available in the same awesome complex in which they live! It is within our budget, close to his work and the places I teach and we were stoked about being close to some awesome folks. Everything was pretty much ideal. Two days after we heard something was available we set up an appointment for viewing. 

Just to set this up a bit, this is a large complex that houses mostly young couples and members of the military. It was absolutely within our budget and William was dressed in work attire while I was wearing shorts, a tank top and a cardigan. Regular joes just looking for a place to live. I thought...

We arrived on time and asked where to go for an appointment. The woman at the front desk was a bit terse, but hey - it was almost 5pm and maybe she had a bad day, right? No worries. I was still amped to check the place out! Looking for apartments is a less than stellar experience for me and I would've happily signed on right then if they had something appropriate in our time frame. 

Ughhhh. What do you need? 

We get upstairs and a man comes out, looks us up-and-down over the rim of his glasses and asks, (already dismissively), "yes?" We let him know we are there for an appointment and he literally sighs aloud and rolls his eyes. We are then halfheartedly waved into an empty room and he just lets us sit for awhile. 

Okaaaay, I am thinking. This is weird. But maybe it will improve when we start asking questions and see the place! Again, it's almost time for the office to close. Maybe they are in a rush to leave? 

Then he returned. He starts by letting us know that the rent is going to be increasing every month, and then goes through the laundry list of extra fees. He's darting his eyes up at us over those glasses rims again after every figure as if to say, "see? See how this is too expensive for people like you."  Will and I exchange glances with each other, silently agreeing that "whoa we being seriously dissed right now," and it confirms for me that what I am feeling is not in my head. We ask about a one bedroom and he tells us that in 3 or 4 blocks of multi-unit properties there isn't a single one bedroom available for viewing. Hmm? I thought that we heard one was available as little ago as Saturday. Weird.

Why you no like me? I nice snake pet.

He asks if we have pets. Ugh, I can already tell this is what he is going to use against us. I (stupidly) tell him we have a snake and he leaves to "check on that." Less than a minute later he comes back and says, 'Oh yeah, no snakes. Only cats and dogs. Definitely no snakes." At this point we are backed in a corner and can't do anything but leave. 

Since he hasn't offered it to us I ask for his name. And then his last name. My attempt at hiding my disdain is failing and he knows it. I walk out feeling - well, like I was a hooker who walked into the Ritz. 

It was the worst customer service interaction I have ever had. Possibly one of the worst interpersonal interactions I've ever had - that's including all of middle school and 6 years in customer service myself.

I can honestly say that it was the first time since I was a child that I was so obviously judged on my appearance. Which, hey - I thought I was looking pretty decent when I walked in. 

I really struggled with whether or not to write this. You can see I didn't mention the complex or the individual who "helped" us by name because, honestly, it's not the business' fault that we happened to work with who is - by all accounts - the only jerk in the place. Everything else I have heard about this complex is wonderful. 

I decided to go ahead and write this because 1) whew! I feel better. and 2) Judging people on appearance does not have to be overt. It can be as subtle as an eye roll, an averted glance or pursed lips. Of course it only became more and more obvious in our interaction, but it does not always happen that way. I am using this experience as a reminder to myself to practice patience and understanding with those around me. 

How I feel now.

Certainly I have judged. Of course. Everyone judges. Judgement is natural and the way that our brain classifies information. But, it is important to question your assumptions rather than act on them. Who knows - maybe Mr.Rude was having a rough day and just wanted us to leave. Maybe not. I'm not going to cry about it. But I will be letting management know that they have an employee who may not be representing the values they expound. 

Overall - hey, what can you do but learn? I will definitely be treating others with a bit more kindness in my interactions and questioning my assumptions more. I try and make it a point not to take out my bad mood on unsuspecting strangers (unsuspecting boyfriends...well, that's something else...haha) but will be upping the efforts from here on out.

Everyone I meet deserves to be treated with respect and kindness. Judging people on appearance is  as antiquated as it gets. The future lies ahead, and hopefully with it, a more modern and respectful approach to how people should be treated.