Some time ago, I noticed that many, if not most, of my hoop students seem to display several traits of perfectionism. If they are not doing a certain move exactly like I am, it's "not right," or "not good." Even worse, many people believe that their 'unperfect' bodies are what is holding them back. Of course a frozen shoulder will impede shoulder movement -that is a belief based in empirical reality- but will larger thighs or shorter stature make you a 'worse' hooper? Not at all!
Working with so many hoopers has assured me that everyone has their own pace and style. Yet, when I say that in class I get the feeling people believe I am trying to assuage them with false enthusiasm. Why do we think people are lying to us about positive things? If I said, "yeah, you SUCK and I hate your ugly workout clothes. Dummy." would people think that I was being honest simply because it was negative? (and then promptly fire me.)
I posed a challenge to myself some time ago to simply listen when people give me feedback - positive or negative. It isn't personal, and I can most likely learn from it. This is almost impossible to do if buried under the impressive weight of perfectionism. Nothing good is real, and everything bad is catastrophic. Taking a step back and reexamining the 'proof' of such beliefs can offer welcome relief.
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| ^ Not a standard by which I measure myself. Also, how ridiculous is the notion of a "perfect" hooper? |
If someone offers a compliment and I have the impulse to immediately deflect it, I just think about it for a second. Why would this be false? What is my measurement of success? Have I heard people say I have unrealistic standards in this area before?
Often times I wish my students would ask themselves why they think I would lie about their progress. Maybe I believe it will make you feel better? Well, if you don't ever really progress lying about it will be pretty obvious, so it wouldn't be the smoothest way for me to go. So, why lie? Also, what was the goal? Learning the move or getting it perfectly right? Would I try to learn in 15 minutes what took someone 4 years to master? I could try but I'd rather set realistic goals that do not set me up for failure. That only adds false evidence in support of perfectionist beliefs. Simple exploration of what is being presented and reevaluating goals can go along way in 'curing' perfectionistic traits.
Have you found yourself falling for perfectionistic beliefs? Or, noticing them in others? I found an article talking about the dangers of, and causes for, perfectionism and thought I would share it with a crowd that I have found to be particularly susceptible!
Article after the jump
"You could say that perfectionism is a crime against humanity. Adaptability is the characteristic that enables the species to survive—and if there's one thing perfectionism does, it rigidifies behavior. It constricts people just when the fast-moving world requires more flexibility and comfort with ambiguity than ever. It turns people into success slaves.
Perfectionists, experts now know, are made and not born, commonly at an early age. They also know that perfectionism is increasing. One reason: Pressure on children to achieve is rampant, because parents now seek much of their status from the performance of their kids. And, by itself, pressure to achieve is perceived by kids as criticism for mistakes; criticism turns out to be implicit in it. Perfectionism, too, is a form of parental control, and parental control of offspring is greater than ever in the new economy and global marketplace, realities that are deeply unsettling to today's adults. Read More
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